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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24922948">Beautiful Liar</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftZenZhu/pseuds/SoftZenZhu'>SoftZenZhu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Betrayal, Break Up, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Heartbreak, Insecurity, Inspired by "Beautiful Liar" by VIXX LR, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Friend, Lies, M/M, Masks, Self-Esteem Issues, Tsukishima Kei Being an Asshole, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:21:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,220</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24922948</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftZenZhu/pseuds/SoftZenZhu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima knew what he had to do. He wasn't an idiot. He knew how Yamaguchi felt towards Yachi. Yamaguchi acted like he didn't know. Time to keep that mask secure as to not break.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Beautiful Liar</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Be warned. Angst.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~This is a beautiful lie, My last lie~</p><p>    Tsukishima sat at the table, eating lunch with the others. He was sinking into his mind, thoughts surrounding him. He was noticing that his cute boyfriend was attracted to someone else. Yamaguchi was sweet and kind but easy to read, at least to Tsukki. Tsukishima was aware Yamaguchi liked Yachi. I mean who wouldn't? She was soft in and out. Caring and sweet. Unlike himself, who was bitter and sour. He was so used to never being anyone's number 1. He accepted that though he had a cold exterior. He was never the hero or protagonist. Always the evil doer. Yamaguchi was the only one who was close to him and he wanted out. He should've know. He was just the tall asshole who can never have friends. His boyfriend was so oblivious to his feelings towards Yachi. He had to give Yamaguchi a reason to run to Yachi. They were the perfect pair anyways. He knew what he had to do. Be the bad guy for the better of Yamaguchi and Yachi. He was fine with it. He was. Completely fine...</p><p>~Even if it hurts to death, I am hiding myself under a mask for you~</p><p>    Tsukishima stood in the background where he belonged. He saw Yamaguchi talking with Yachi. He decided if they were going to be together, he will have to start now. He decided to slowly distantance himself from Yamaguchi. He started becoming more cold and alone. This is for the best, he told himself. Keep up that mask to protect yourself. His emotions fighting against him. He has to do it for Yamaguchi. He deserved better than a freak like him. His heart becoming scarred every time he distanced himself. Yamaguchi started picking up on it, confused. It was best he didn't know. He never saw the slight tremble in Tsukishima's hands. It was for the best. He was...fine. </p><p>~I see myself in the mirror and I ask myself~</p><p>    Tsukishima stood in front of his bathroom mirror. His emotions whispering the questions to him. 'What about you? How are you supposed to make him happy if you hurt your self?' He glared at his own honey gold eyes, seeing the slight tears. He wiped them away. He blanked his faced. This is what is best. His happiness wasn't above Yamaguchi. Tsukishima was worthless to anyone near him. His asshole personality against Yamaguchi's loving one. Tsukishima was not the main character, he didn't deserve happiness. He hated himself more than anyone else could. He deserved it. He was alright...</p><p>~Will it really make you happy if I let you go?<br/>
I’ll throw myself away completely~</p><p>     Tsukishima had his music on in class. His only trusted ally. He saw Hinata, his brightness drowning out Tsukishima's darkness. He was slightly grateful for that. His teammate covering for him without knowing. He made sure not to lack in the volleyball practices as to not alert the seniors or others. He didn't need their pity for something he is bringing on himself. He was still distancing himself from Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi started hanging out with Yachi more. Good. Great. He was glad...</p><p>~because you need quiet time to yourself<br/>
Did I say those things without even meaning it?~</p><p>    He noticed Yamaguchi was giving him space. Yamaguchi didn't need him anyway. Though today fate was testing him. Yamaguchi confronted him, asking him why he was distancing himself from him. Tsukishima knew he would have to be the one to drive the wedge deeper in between them. His mouth speaking the harsh words ," I dont have time for you." He walked away, his gold eyes covered so nobody could see the slight wetness and his trembling. The wedge needed to be deeper. That pain his mind refused to acknowledge. His heart weeping silently where no one could hear. He was fine. Totally fine.</p><p>~As I replay your face when you screamed go away~</p><p>     The next day, Suga was apparently involved now. He was sitting next to Yamaguchi and Yachi. When Tsukishima came near them, not even going to them, all their eyes glaring into his, saying go away, you are not wanted here. He didn't slow down and when to an area by himself. Content. Alone. Protected. His mind replaying the scene like it was his favorite while his heart trembled in heartbreak. That wedge driving deeper. He was happy... Very.. Happy...</p><p>~I’m tainting our memories that were beautiful<br/>
I haven’t imagined a life without you yet ~</p><p>    Every good memory started becoming filled with mad stares and no love. It was better this way. It is supposed to be like this. Ever day was filled with glares and hate. Suga was the mom friend of the team so he would of course go into protective mom mode. The more he existed, the more the team started to hate him. They still let him play for whatever reason they seemed to make up. The bright suns of the team was now glaring into the lonesome moon, hating its existence. Tsukishima didn't even let his mask fall in front of the others. He felt his mask was truly him. It was. It was. He was happy....</p><p>~but please be happy, So that at least my lie can shine~</p><p>    Tsukishima kept up and Yamaguchi started to fill his life with Yachi. They deserved happiness he could never have. It didn't hurt him at all. They were happier without him. That soft smiles towards each other not sending a knife through his dying heart. His piss colored eyes not watering. No, he was happy. His work starting to become a good deed. No one could know.. It was alright. No one would notice him. Their light over shined his isolated darkness. He was fine...</p><p>~I’m letting go of your tightly held hands<br/>
But my heart is still the same<br/>
But I’ll let you go~</p><p>    Tsukishima wanted his beautiful boy to be happy. He could never find that happiness with Tsukishima. He was tugging his own heart strings from Yamaguchi. He was releasing a trapped victim. He was being useful, right? He felt his lungs quiver. He didn't feel heartbroken. He had no heart to break. </p><p>~I’m letting go of your hands<br/>
But my heart is still the same<br/>
I think it’s best for you if I end it right here~</p><p>    Tsukishima was in his bedroom. He wasn't shaking, crying so hard but silently. He wasn't feeling like his heart was being torn from his chest. He wasn't feeling his throat tighten up. He was completely happy. His emotions wrapping their hands around his throat, choking him. His airways weren't hurting. Yamaguchi was free of him. They started dating. Everyone was happy for them. The way he could feel the hateful glares of his teammates. They must've thought he would be jealous or something. He was completely normal. He just wasn't snarky anymore. They act like they know him inside out. He was doing good. He made someone who was the entire world to him happy. They should be happy for he freed him. Right??...</p><p>~This is a beautiful lie<br/>
My last lie<br/>
Even if it hurts to death<br/>
I am hiding myself under a mask for you~</p><p>     Tsukishima was still isolated from the others. They were practicing with Nekoma today. The captain exchanged words with Daichi. He knew from the way his own captain glanced at him, that he was being talked about. Nothing new. No chest pains. None. The pain was starting to become a dull ache. The Nekoma captain, Kuroo, was strangely paying alot of attention to him. Tsukishima would glanced to see Kuroo staring at him with a gaze he couldn't understand. He was probably happy to see the ever silent moon by drowned with the Holy light of all of the suns.He probably hated Tsukishima too along with his team. He rathered be hated than to keep Yamaguchi trapped. He knew it was for better, even if he had to rip himself to shreds.Tsukishima made sure his mask was up. Nobody should see behind it. Nobody....</p><p> ~It’s alright if you leave me<br/>
I want you to be happy<br/>
Oh I’m~</p><p>    Tsukishima was sitting alone, his music and books his safe place. He felt a prescense near him. It was still and staring at him. He glanced up, seeing Kuroo staring at him with this look in his eyes.<br/>
"So, Four Eyes, no snarky remark? I have been staring at you for the past 5 minutes. You just now noticed. What's up? You're off your game lately. I've been told you had a bad breakup. You good?" Kuroo was really talkative today. He had to throw Kuroo off his plans, knowing Kuroo's intelligence. He would have to make himself push Kuroo away. This moon was not wanted. It was slowly dying and Kuroo is just poking it. <br/>
" I am doing fine. Could you leave now? I was reading a good book." Kuroo looked at him with skepticism in his eyes like he thought Tsukishima was lying. He was not lying to anyone. Not even to himself. He knew that he had hurt Yamaguchi but it was for the best so his light could shine bright again.</p><p>~I’m a beautiful<br/>
I’m a beautiful liar~</p><p>   Everything was eventually going back to normal. It was like everything was alright. His lie was so beautiful and crafted perfectly. He was a great liar, wasn't he? That night, he did not sit in his room with his stuffed dinosaur wet with tears and snot. His pale skin not red from the emotions he wasn't going through. He didn't wish to be back into those familiar arms. He sat in a empty space, not regretting anything. The empty air drowning his self shattered heart.</p><p>~You keep shedding tears in front of me<br/>
It was an unexpected line that led to the next chapter~</p><p>    Tsukishima sat on his bed, remembering the days of tearful faces from Yamaguchi, eyes crying to him. He moved his mind into a different subject. He made Yamaguchi cry but it was best for him. He kept his books and music to fill his mind. Not crying at all.</p><p>~You told me to take back the words I spit out<br/>
As you hold onto my face<br/>
Then you collapsed off your feet~</p><p>    Tsukishima remembered when he told Yamaguchi he wanted to break up. He told him to not say it. He acted like it wasn't the truth. He wanted to hurt his heart. Tsukishima wanted to scream at him that it was best for him. He left after that. The team took care of Yamaguchi after that. He was happy for Yamaguchi. Happy...</p><p>~This isn’t the future I thought of<br/>
It seemed like a sin to look at you like a lonely tied up dog<br/>
So I’m swallowing up my feelings and letting you go~</p><p>    Kuroo came again today. He loomed around him like he was a exhibit. It was useless. Tanaka told Kuroo it was useless. They were just testing him, that was it. They didn't really care about him. It was like poking a harmless animal wanting it to attack. Kuroo was still here. His bedhead still there. That look in his eyes still there. Why was he still here? Did he want something? Why is he still in his dead land air around him? <br/>
" Do you want something? You been staring at me for awhile. Just say it and get it over with." Kuroo replied back. "Four Eyes, you alright? You seem lonely. Just thought I could keep you company." Kuroo was looking concerned? Why? He tried to get the feline like man to leave him alone but he wouldn't budge. He just sat there. He had to think of a plan to get Kuroo to leave him alone.  </p><p>~You must live better than me, promise me<br/>
But the moment I said that, you turned around~</p><p>    Kuroo has started a habit of sitting with him when he visits. If Tsukishima was reading, he would just sit there, his eyes on his own through his glasses. Tsukishima would just let him. He started feeling warmth in his winter mind and heart. His breathing easing up while Kuroo was here. The air when he was around was fresher and cleansing. His heart thumped in his chest, scars all over it. This was being the normal now apparently. Just silence between the both of them. Kuroo's gaze was not piercing but like a smooth touch on his own. His glasses protected him from prying glares. Kuroo's gaze was not filled with hatred but a soft look in his dark eyes. Tsukishima glanced up from the book in his hands to see that same stare. He had to be a trick to poke and prod him. Everyone made their opinion clear on him. Just a hollowed shell stealing oxygen from the innocent.</p><p>~I won’t hang onto you, I will smile<br/>
This is me, don’t hesitate anymore<br/>
Leave me~</p><p>    Tsukishima was sitting, thinking. His thoughts however weren't on a freckled face but a gaze that settled on his soul, focused on it. His glasses were supposed to protect him from the eyes. Why weren't they working now? Those narrow eyes with the abyss welcoming him in. A bed head that his skin is curious to feel. He retreats into himself. No. This was not supposed to happen. That gaze was getting into the way of his plans. He needs isolation. Not that pull to the other. His honey gold eyes averted to the floor. He was alone. He want to be alone, right?</p><p>~It’s time for me to give you<br/>
The last bits of my heart<br/>
The fact that we loved is beautiful~</p><p>    Tsukishima felt that Yamaguchi took the key to his caged heart and destroyed it. It wasn't suppose to unlock. Tsukishima would stay in his darkness filled realm like the moon. He didn't need Kuroo coming any closer to his orbit. He didn't need to be tangled up with him. His lonesome existence just fine by itself. He had to use the same tactic again. Distance himself from Kuroo. It worked perfectly fine last time. His heart thumped with fear of the soon future.<br/>
'You can't keep doing this to yourself. It isn't healthy.'<br/>
Tsukishima didn't listen to it. He would scare Kuroo away. His brightness trying to mix with his darkness. His pureness trying to stumbling into the dark moonlight filled forest in winter. A bad and toxic decision. He needed to build the walls of his heart stronger and invincible. No one can get in.</p><p>~It’s time for me to give you<br/>
The last bits of my heart<br/>
The fact that we loved is beautiful~</p><p>     Tsukishima tried the plan. It did not work. Kuroo's visits more often than they were earlier on. Kuroo was getting to the point of being in his bubble. While reading, Kuroo took one hand in his. He didn't do anything bold. He just took his thumb and rubbed the pad of it over his wrist. Not even harshly, so gentle and relaxing. His heart pounding in his chest. Kuroo could just be checking his pulse. Maybe Kuroo thinks he is sick. Tsukishima tried to secretly steal a glance towards Kuroo. What he saw astounded him. Kuroo was looking at his eyes. The eye contact wasn't anything suggestive or weird. It felt like a understanding that the connection was showing both of them. Kuroo's eyes speaking in a soft gentle hum telling him that he will be alright. That his heart ache will fade with care. The gold verses black like a melting together. Kuroo didn't seem to care that others could possibly see them. They would disapprove of Kuroo. Tsukishima felt trapped in that gaze. He tried to retreat and hide into himself. That gaze pulling him out of hiding and accepting him. Those two black holes of a gaze.</p><p>~Me with iron shackles on my legs<br/>
Is more like me than ever before<br/>
(You turned around, ran to me<br/>
Told me not to say stupid lies<br/>
As you smiled in front of me)~</p><p> Tsukishima was starting to forget Yamaguchi. Not completely but enough where he stopped crying over him. His dreams filled with another. He felt fear of that gaze. It followed him everywhere. He knew he had to do something about it. He felt not alone anymore. Every time their gazes met, it felt like a caress. Today, Karasuno and Nekoma would hangout. Today, Kuroo invited him into the Nekoma team. It was like a family of a dad cat with all his kittens. They stared at him but there was no aggression. No rage. They treated him like one of them. Tsukishima and Kenma got along fine. Both were quiet but were understanding to each other. Kuroo kept gazing at him the whole time. Lev was apparently a needy kid. Tsukishima felt warmth. Kenma would sometimes communicate with his eyes with Tsukishima. They were mutually bonding? Yaku was being a mom friend. Yaku would shoot off questions like how much he ate in the past days. His cold was melting away here.</p><p>~It’s a beautiful pain<br/>
Letting you go<br/>
I have to kill myself inside<br/>
Swallow my tears<br/>
And put on a smiling mask~</p><p>     As they ate, nobody just left him to his normal isolation. They involved him as if he was one of them. The walls and chains that Tsukishima built around his heart was crumbling with these people. The whole time Tsukishima conversed with the others, Kuroo's eyes were filled with enough warmth to melt his chains in his mind. Tsukishima caught his gaze and Kuroo smiled. Not that dork smug bastard one either. The smile was so soft that a baby's buttcheek would be jealous.</p><p>~I feel so relieved now<br/>
Please don’t worry about me<br/>
Oh I’m<br/>
I’m a beautiful<br/>
No, a cowardly liar~</p><p>     Their eye contact for the next few days was so intense but entrancing. They would hold eye contact for a few minutes but Tsukishima would always give first. He knew he had to do something. So he did. He confronted Kuroo in a empty area. No one could see this.<br/>
" Why have you been staring at me with that look in your eyes?" Kuroo, with that same soft smile, says "What look?". Like he doesn't know what I meant. So I answer back.<br/>
"That look like you just saw something that made you happy." Kuroo smiles wider at this and says "You are so oblivious. Dude, I love you."<br/>
Tsukishima was shocked. This was new.<br/>
"Now answer me this, Kei. What is that look you give back? You look like you are entranced in my eyes. Hmm?" He smiles at Tsukishima with that dumb smile. Tsukishima starts snarking at Kuroo while Kuroo just smiled, glad to have his Kei back. Kuroo held out his hand, waiting for the other's hand. Tsukishima sighed and put his hand on Kuroo's and watched the fingers go over his skin. It was that same calming effect. After that was done, Kuroo intertwined their fingers. Tsukishima felt he could get used to this. Kuroo could care for him. Maybe it was possible for him to find happiness. Maybe he wasn't a afterthought after all.</p>
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